The Six Million Dollar Man Movie:03

Episode: The Solid Gold Kidnapping
Original Airdate: 11/17/1973

This is the end of the “pilot movies” where I guess Universal had been slutting it around, trying to see how many viewers it affected before deciding to turn it into a full time TV show. In this one, you might think it’s the exact same plot as Movie Pilot # 1 – Steve Austin is forced into duty to save another high ranking US official from terrorists – but this one has a twist!! This time he’s not in the Middle East, see!!??!! This time the terrorists aren’t terrorists, they’re members of an elite criminal organization known as the OSO and the specialize in kidnapping high ranking officials and extorting governments for MILLIONS of dollars!! WHOO HOOO! Go Team USA to stop these suckers! let’s see what we’ve got…

I’ve watched 4 1/2 hours of SMDM by now and there’s something strange about these episodes. Not strange as in “why are that man who is sitting on the toilet next to me as I pee’s feet pointed sideways” strange but something’s weird… I guess in today’s age we are so used to pomp and circumstance that we expect a big build up to some sort of money shot in a movie or TV. Like drums beating to a huge crescendo then BAM!!! something special happens. In these, the use of bionics is so – um -… demure that it just strikes me as strange. Like in movie two – Austin is leaving a boat and just calmly rips out a window. “See ya later, honeybuns” he says as he jumps out into the ocean. In this one, he’s rescuing some senator from a cave in Mexico – the bad guys hot on their tail. They’re trapped! They’re doomed! Nope! Steve kicks a hole through a five foot thick wall and they escape. Just like that. Peace out, Truckers. “Just doing my job, Dollface.” Oh well – there you go….

Here’s some notable takeaways from the last of the three TV “Pilot” movies:

  • Nice boobs acting ability stand-in secretary actress
  • John “The Man Who Is In Everything” Vernon, eh?
  • “The Mexicans built secret shafts in their pyramids so their souls could climb to Heaven.” Steve “I’m Deep” Austin
  • Super legs!!
  • Kidnapping!!
  • Rotary phones!!
  • Skiing! Kissing! SMOOCHIE BOOCHIE!!
  • Rat brain cells! Experimental drugs!
  • Steve gets slapped – “Next time try a roll of nickels” he says
  • High speed boat chase!
  • Biggest boat explosion ever!
  • This chick is NOT ugly….

This one was easily the best of the three – Steve seems to be more “there” in his dry-ass-acting role. This had some more action and more bionicness. Also – some murder. And poker playing! Good stuff – now onto the TV show Proper!


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